


You are the murderer of my heart

by ziamruinsmylife



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M, idk too many feels, idk what even this is, it's sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-06
Updated: 2014-06-06
Packaged: 2018-02-03 16:30:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1751204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ziamruinsmylife/pseuds/ziamruinsmylife
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>i am not good at summaries. it's a sad ziam story</p>
            </blockquote>





	You are the murderer of my heart

**Author's Note:**

> Once upon a time there was a girl who could only wrote what she felt. it's a part of it too. just may have turned into ziam.

Zayn knocked the door of the building that he unlocked with his own keys for a long time. He waited till he see the familiar face.  
”Sorry” he mumbled when the door opened ” Really sorry but it was important so…”  
”I don’t have much time. I’m gonna meet Andy soon…”  
”Oh Andy of course” your dear friend who always hated me he thought but didn’t say loudly.  
”So it’s better if you tell me what you wanna say as fast as possible.” he told ignoring Zayn’s sentence.  
Zayn took a deep breathe. ”Right i’m sorry. Thank you for accept my visit today. I promise i’ll never bother you again, never” Zayn he whispered slowly. Liam didn’t notice the smirk placed on Zayn’s lips at the end of his sentence.  
I followed Liam. We slowly walked in the living room.  
”Do you wanna drink anything?” he asked coldly.  
”Water will be nice, thank you.” he mumbled. Zayn was scared to talk loud as if Liam could understand what will he do later from his voice.  
When Liam came back from the kitchen, Zayn noticed it was the glass they bought together for their house when they moved in.  
”Six months ago…” he mumbled.  
”Excuse me…” he asked confusedly. I could see he was trying t understand what i mumbled a few seconds ago.  
”mmmh nothing sorry i was just a bit distracted i guess.”  
” You’re weird you know.” He said with a serious face. ”Now can you please tell me the reason for your visit because as i said before i have to leave soon to meet…”  
”Andy” i said loudly. ”Andy i know you mentioned before. Well i was just wondering if you can go a little late?”  
”Why?” he asked when he raised his eyebrown angrily.  
”Because it’s important for me for me Liam. Can’t you just do me this favor for the sake of the time or the feelings we shared?”  
His eyes softened a bit. He began to look at me like before, like we were in love, like he remembered our memories.  
”Stay here.” he said in a soft voice.”I’ll call Andy.”  
I watched his silhouette as he became further.  
I stood up and began to walk in the room. IT was a photo a few months ago. He was smiling not only with his lips but also his eyes were shining and a little blush was placed on his cheeks which makes him more beautiful. He looked so loveable and so beautiful. He’s always been. I couldn’t help myself touching his face. I slowly strked his eyesbrows as i was drawing them. Than my fingers slowly moved down to his cheeks and found their ways to his chin. I brushed my thumb to his lips that i kissed thousand time before.I spotted his nose. He never loved it. He always complained about how big and ugly was it. But for me it was adorable. I wanted to draw every little point of his face on my mind. Because it was him. His eyes, nose, fingers, smile, style, habits… Everything about him, little things that made Liam.  
I try to remember the last time he looked at me like in the photo.  
As i was drowning in my thoughts i heard a light cough behind me. I turned back and met Liam’s eyes.  
”We won’t meet today.”  
”I’m sorry Liam.”  
”No problem. As you said before for the sake of the feeling we shared before.”  
”Before” we said at the same time. We stared at each others eyes again and i began to talk without breaking our eye contact.  
”I wasn’t sure to come here . I thought maybe it’s better to write you but it wasn’t fair to leave only with a note so …”  
I took a deep breathe and sat on the couch, sipped from water he took me before i continue  
”It was hard to bearit. I mean knowing that we are breathing the same air, walking in the same streets, having possibility to see anywhere.”  
”I don’t know Zayn..” he mumbled. Zayn shaked his head slowly.  
”Please, i tried so hard to have this courage to come here.” i breathed out. ” But it’s not the only problem Liam. It’s not only about see you anywhere. These are about the memories we have or had. Every part in this city, every street, every corner remind me of you”  
”Zayn, i’m sorry…” he mumbled without looking into my eyes. I shushed him with my finger that suddenly touched his lips. He looked at me confused and i took my hand so fast as if i touched fire.  
”Remember what i said before.” i muttered. ” Don’t be sorry. I know it’s not only your fault. It’s just everything here had a meaning with you. Now i feel so lost without you. I feel like i’m falling to pieces. I try so hard to ignore my memories, my thougts or feelings but it’s hard to ignore them as i’m alive…”  
I paused for a second.  
”If someone sees me on the street he’ll think i’m alive. But when i ask myself i don’t feel like i’m alive. I felt like thre’s something heavy on my chest. Something that doesn’t let me breathe Liam. I just feel one emotion: Pain. I wake up and feel the pain, i walk i feel the pain. When i sleep i have nightmares that give me pain. I don’t know how to survive…” he sniffed. He didn’t notice he was crying till now.  
Zayn wiped teardrops with his hands. ”Only pain but nothing, can you imagine it Liam?”  
”Zayn, please…” Liam mumbled he was crying too.  
Zayn smiled again. ”You know Liam hen i first saw you, you were reading a book in the library. I was mermerised by you. You looked so innocent and so beautiful. You still are. I stood there and watched you for a few good minutes before i could move.”  
”You never told me that before…” his eyes widened.  
”Do you remember the first time we met Liam?” ”Yeah” he answered ”We were at the cafeteria. You pointed my book and asked me if i liked the book and we began to chat…”  
”Yeap” Zayn said and smirked ” What you didn’t know is, it was the book you read in the library.” Liam’s mouth opened wide. Zayn kept on talking. ” ı got the name of the book and read it. I even read the analyses of it and searched every chracter of it only to have chance for a little conversation with you which i managed…”  
Zayn sipped from the water again before continoue his speech.  
”You never told me Zayn. Why didn’t you?”  
”It’s so stupid because i wanted to be cool Liam. I wanted you to like me. You didn’t know how long i’ve been in love with you. I fell in love with you before you met me. I just pretended that i wasn’t until you told me you have feelings for me…”  
Liams eyes were searching for Zayns. They were full of questions. ” You know why Liam. You don’t need to ask. Because i loved you first.” Zayn looked into his eyes.  
”I loved you before we meet, i loved you when we were together, i loved you when you broke up with me, i loved you when i was waiting for you to come back to me, i loved you even when i don’t feel alive anyymore, i guess i’m gonna i2m gonna love you when my heart stops beating” which is gonna happen too soon he thought ”You knıw Liam, i even loved you when i see you holding hands with her and still gonna love you even i know you’re gonna marry with her soon…”  
Liam stood up and held his head between his hands.  
”How you know that Zayn?” he said a bit loudly.  
”You know we live in a small town Liam” Zayn said trying to smile but he knew he wasn’t successful.  
”The news here are spreading faster than viruses you know?”  
”I’m sorry Zayn maybe i must have been the one who told you that”  
”Do you love her Liam?” he bursted out.  
”I..” he began and took a deep breathe ” to be honest i do. I loved you too but it just didn’t work out. We just have this life. I had to move on”  
”Does she love you?” Zayn asked curiously.  
”I know she does. It’s better for us. Believe me you’re gonna find someone better than…”  
”Don’t dare to finish Liam! I’m not a child. I don’t and never wanna have anyone better than you. I just wanted you more than anything i want in my life. I wanted to be happy with you. But i know we won’t because we lost it. You never wanted to try. You never loved me as much as i loved you. I didn’t want more i tought my love will be enough for both of us”  
”Zee, please!”  
”Stop that fucking stupid fucking nickname okay!” He stood up. ”You know Lism it was all my fault because i gave myself completely. I let you to see my hiden wounds, secret dreams. I’ve let you see the parts of me that i never showed anyone before. I let you to make you a part of me. Look what you’ve made to me” he shouted.  
”You killed me Liam. Don’t dare to say you didn’t. You killed me. I don’t feel anything anymore except the pain. Do you have to make me feel like that Liam? I don’t feel anything. What’s the point of living?”  
Zayn took a gun out of his pocket. Liam’s eyes were widened with fear.  
”Zayn, you’re not gonna kill me!” he stuttered.  
Zayn began to laugh histerically.  
”Really Liam! You think i can even hurt you.” He shook his head and moved his hand higer and placed the barrel of the gun on his temple.  
”Zayn please” Liam begged in a trembling voice.  
”Don’t worry Liam.” Zayn mumbled quietly. ”I won’t hurt you. I’ll never. I decided it’s the last time for me to disturb you. I’ll never be able to do it Liam! You see this?” he showed his gun to him. ”when i press that just a little bit harder it’s all gonna end. I won’t be here anymore. No more pain, no more memories! I’m already dead without you Liam. What’s the point of fighting on a war you’re destined to lose already.”  
”Zee, please? Don’t do it. Don’t do this! I’ll miss you Zayn please!” Liam sniffed.  
Zayn looked confused. His hand fell slowly fron his head. Liam got a bit closer to him and didn’t break the eye contact with him. ‘I’ll miss you Zayn.” his hand reached his face.  
He stroke his chin slowly amd his lips felt on Zayns. He began to move them slowly. Zayn melt into his touch. They began to kiss each other like they kissed each other for the first time. Until Zayn noticed Liam’s hand on the gun. He broke the kiss immeadiately and pushed him strongly. Liam fell on the floor.  
”I should have known I should have known I should have known” Zayn repeated himself in pain.  
”You just kissed me because you wanted to take the gun not because of your real feelings. Is that what you want Liam? You like playing with me? Wasn’t it enough for you the mess you made on me till now? The pain here” he pointed his heart with his finger ” You know i know how to end this pain. Only one way to heal it. I know what i’ll do now.” he placed the barrel on his left chest.  
”This heart„ he muttered” it has all the guilt. It’s the reason of the pain i’ve got. This pain will stop if i only find the hurting place on my chest.”  
”Zayn don’t do this please!” Liam begged hopelessly again. He was sobbing now and scared to move.  
Zayn placed his finger on the trigger.  
”Just give me a reason to stay Liam!”  
”I love you Zayn!’ Liam said to him.  
”Liar!” Zayn shouted out.  
”I do love you Zayn. I love you please!”  
”I’m sick of this game Liam. I won’t gonna play it again.”  
”Zayn i love you don’t leave me please!”  
”I love you so much Liam. Maybe we can love each other in another life again I love you!”  
He looked in his eyes for the last time.  
A gunshot echoed to the sky..

**Author's Note:**

> it wasn't zayn who died actually. it was me. i hope you survived from that crap lol.  
> I will love if anyone says what they think, negative or positive always appreciated :) (yasmin feels like a drama queen now tho :/)


End file.
